ARGUEING
by Mike Berger
Argue? haah!
I avoid
augments like
flu shots.
I never holler or
shout.
.
My wife and I disagree
She likes things
spotlessly clean.
I am laissez-faire.
There is disaster
everywhere.
When walking away
doesn’t work,
I simply slip off all of
my clothes and
she hysterically laughs.
.
CLUELESS POET
by Mike Berger
The editor says he wants
distinct images so I am
sending him photographs.
He says he hates cute
bunny poems so I'm striking
the B-word from my list.
He doesn't want trite rhymes
like love and above. Cowboy
verse is worse than twangy
cowboy songs. To print the
inane would be insane. Please
no blood and guts. The editor
wants fresh language so
I'm spraying this poem
with FebreZe.
ON BEING A PH D
by Mike Berger
They tell me I am a dilatant
Tinkering with this and dabbling with that.
I ponder on the space-time fabric,
And most of my words are polysyllabic.
To me, mathematics has been quite kind.
Solving complex equations stretches your mind.
I love classical music, that isn't a joke.
I can't carry a tune for the Handel is baroque.
I like to discuss obtuse metaphysics.
And I'm fairly conversant with quantum mechanics
I dabble with Zen and Eastern philosophy, too.
And wonder at the differences between a kangaroo.
I love to paint and fuss with canvas and oil
And plant wildflowers, in my rocky old soil.
Then let me say in the most humble way.
I'm really quite good at sculpting with clay.
I'm really quite bright and quite humble too.
A rare combination possessed by so few.
At geography, I'm really a whiz,
I can say in a flash, where Borneo is.
I know a lot about the human brain,
The clinically depressed as well as the insane
Yet, I can't boil water and I can't butter toast.
When it comes to survival, I'm dumb as a post.
Bio: Mike Berger is 72 years old. He has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and was a practicing psychotherapist for 30 years. He is now fully retired. He has authored two books of short stories, and has been published in numerous professional journals. He has freelanced for more than 20 years. His humor pieces Clyde and Goliath, Good Grief Columbus, and If Noah Built the Ark Today have won awards. He is now writing poetry full-time, and also enjoys: sculpting, painting, gardening and baking bread. His forcaccia is to die for.
Blowing on a Fly
by Drew Lankford
My sons take great pleasure in blowing
on a fly in the kitchen as they eat pancakes.
There’s nothing I can say that would be as funny
to them as it is to blow on the fly and watch it circle
away, come back, land in puddles of syrup.
The fly is a true entertainer, a tiny Charley Chaplain
with wings and whiskers; silent yet deliciously jolly.
Bio: Drew Lankford is a 7th Grade Teacher in Reading and Language Arts in Nashville, TN.